036 what do we owe our friends?

Have you ever paused to wonder what we really owe our friends? In a world that constantly celebrates independence, hustle, and personal achievement, friendship can sometimes feel like something we squeeze in only if there’s extra time between work, errands, and life. But then again, maybe “extra time” isn’t really the point. Across cultures, friendship is rarely optional. It’s a cornerstone of community, connection, and yes, even our mental health.

In individualistic societies, friendships are often framed as personal choices, built around shared interests or emotional closeness. That freedom can feel liberating, but it can also leave us isolated. When we are taught to prioritize ourselves, to carve out our own space, it’s easy to forget that staying connected requires effort, presence, and care.

Collectivist cultures, by contrast, remind us that friendships are rarely just about us. Friends are treated almost like family, with an expectation to show up, support, and invest in one another’s well-being. In Arab culture, for example, hospitality, loyalty, and mutual support aren’t just values, they’re a way of life. Friends are part of an extended family network, and investing in those relationships is both a personal and cultural responsibility. It’s not only about personal fulfillment, but also about sustaining the web of connections that holds the community together.

From a mental health perspective, this makes perfect sense. Research consistently shows that strong friendships reduce stress, boost resilience, and even improve overall well-being. In therapy, clients often describe friendships as lifelines, safe spaces to process emotions, explore identity, or simply be seen. And yet, connection is a two-way street. We owe our friends our time, attention, and care, not as a burden, but as part of the unspoken promise that keeps the relationship alive.

So what does that look like in real life?

• Showing up when it’s inconvenient

• Listening without trying to fix

• Saying the hard thing, even when it’s uncomfortable

It’s the small, consistent actions that quietly say, “I see you. I’m here. You matter.” When we show up like this, we’re not just being there for our friends, we’re also strengthening ourselves and the wider network of care we all rely on. By tending to these connections, we support not only our own well-being but the health and resilience of the communities we’re part of.

Maybe the real question isn’t just what we owe our friends, but what our friendships owe to the bigger picture. By putting time, attention, and care into these relationships, we honor ourselves and the shared responsibility to cultivate connection, compassion, and belonging.

After all, in a world that often asks us to go it alone, maybe friendship is the quiet rebellion we all secretly need!