010 self-compassion vs self-esteem

There are three common myths about self-compassion and today I wanted to talk about one of them:

- self-compassion is not self-esteem

- self-compassion is not self-pity

- self-compassion is not self-indulgence

Self-compassion is not the same as self-esteem, though the two are often confused. While they are related, they are distinct concepts that do not always influence each other in the way we might think. This confusion tripped me up when I first started learning about it, so let me explain!

Self-compassion is not performance- or evaluation-based. It’s not tied to comparison with others. Instead, it involves recognizing that being human means being imperfect, and it focuses on treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer others. Self-compassion is unconditional and involves embracing yourself as you are. It’s an act of kindness you give yourself, especially when you feel inadequate, have failed, or are struggling. By practicing self-compassion, you allow yourself to forgive your shortcomings and take better care of yourself during times of disappointment or embarrassment. Over time, this can increase feelings of self-worth and foster resilience.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, tends to fluctuate based on external circumstances or factors outside our control. It’s rooted in how positively we evaluate ourselves. High self-esteem often implies feeling above average or exceptional in some way, which may come from developing skills that set you apart from others. This sense of self-worth is often bolstered by external validation, positive feedback, and personal success. However, when you negatively evaluate yourself, self-esteem becomes tied to comparisons with others, which can lead to disconnection and isolation.