044 positivity = resilience
In the current political climate in the U.S. and internationally, many people are feeling a heaviness that is difficult to bear. In therapy, I have been hearing a lot about feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. People describe feeling consumed by dread and waiting for what feels like inevitable doom. This is an uncomfortable place to sit because it leans toward pessimism, the belief that things will never get better.
I have also noticed that many people conflate pessimism with realism. In reality, pessimism and optimism sit on opposite ends of a spectrum, with realism somewhere in the middle. While the fear and pessimism people are expressing make sense and are valid, I also want to explore the role of optimism and its relationship to resilience. Optimism and hope can be powerful tools during difficult times.
Optimism and positivity are often misunderstood. They are frequently dismissed as naive, dismissive, or unrealistic in the face of real hardship. With this framework, positivity can feel like a refusal to engage with reality rather than a way of navigating it. For those who have endured stress, loss, and ongoing uncertainty, it is understandable why this version of positivity can feel unhelpful and alienating.
A more grounded perspective on optimism that I have been including in my therapy sessions is understanding positivity as rooted in resilience. Resilience does not mean ignoring or avoiding discomfort, and neither does positivity. A positive person is not someone who bypasses pain or insists on seeing the bright side at all costs. That approach can sometimes lean toward denial rather than strength. Instead, positivity shows up in the ability to remain present when discomfort arises. It is the capacity to stay regulated enough to stabilize, reflect, and respond rather than falling under the weight of what feels overwhelming.
When something goes wrong, our bodies react before our minds have time to make sense of what is happening. The nervous system shifts into fight or flight, which is a normal human survival response to a perceived threat. In these moments, negative thoughts often emerge quickly and convincingly. The mind may interpret the situation as personal, convincing you that your distress is evidence that you cannot handle what is happening or that something is inherently wrong with you. When activated in this state, it is easy to become trapped in a spiral of fear, doubt, and negativity.
Positivity and resilience interrupt this spiral not by denying what is difficult, but by reminding you that you are not powerless. They help create enough internal stability to recognize that these reactions are responses to stress rather than proof of personal failure. From this place, it becomes possible to observe what is happening without feeling consumed or controlled by it.
This is where agency comes in. Agency does not mean having control over your circumstances. It means recognizing that even in moments of distress, choices still exist and that we are rarely as stuck as we feel. Often, that sense of being stuck is a result of our nervous system being in fight or flight. Agency can look like slowing your breath, seeking support, naming what is happening instead of turning against yourself, or taking small steps rather than trying to solve everything at once.
Positivity, in this sense, is not a personality trait or a constant emotional state. It is a practice. It is the ongoing ability to meet discomfort with enough steadiness to stay engaged rather than shutting down or becoming overwhelmed. Over time, this steadiness builds trust in yourself and in your capacity to endure challenging moments.
Positivity is rooted in trust and hope. Trust in yourself, in others, and in the world. It is being aware of challenges without allowing them to collapse entirely onto you. It is knowing that your resilience exists and trusting your access to it. The ability to regulate your nervous system while remembering your agency is a powerful skill that allows you to move through life’s challenges with greater compassion toward yourself and confidence in your resilience.
That capacity is not naive. It is earned, practiced, and deeply human.
