A little while ago, I was doomscrolling and came across a video about the importance of finishing things. I, admittedly, am the type of person who starts a lot of projects out of excitement but forgets to finish them, always carrying the thought in the back of my mind that I need to circle back to them someday. The video stood out to me because it touched on how much mental energy we spend on what we haven't completed yet. Sometimes, I look around my apartment or through my computer and find half-read books, unfinished paintings, and social media videos I never got around to editing. These are things I started when I was particularly interested or motivated, but eventually forgot about or deprioritized. The hard part is that I still think about them, sometimes actively and sometimes passively, which takes up so much mental energy even when I'm not actively working on them. I see this with many of my clients, too, especially during sessions when we check in on their goals and progress from the week. There can be a twinge of shame when they realize they never got around to what they intended to do after our last appointment.
As a therapist, I often think about the relationship between our intentions and our sense of self. We make promises to ourselves all the time, and I wonder how those promises shape the way we see ourselves when we don't follow through. When working with clients on becoming more confident, one of the first things we explore is how to keep our word to ourselves. Building confidence involves allowing yourself to do and finish the things you promised yourself you would. It's not that every unfinished task is important, or that we should be trying to accomplish or excel at everything we do. But there is something meaningful about developing a relationship with setting a goal and completing it.
There is a reason we're so drawn to beginnings. A new project or goal allows us to imagine what we might become if we pursue it. Our imaginations jump toward the finished product, the reward, the accolades, or the attention without taking into account all the difficult parts we'll encounter along the way. We haven't had to deal with the frustrations of the project or the realization that we might not be particularly good at something. The beginning allows us to fall in love with the idea of what we're doing and who we might become through it, rather than the actual experience of doing it.
Finishing requires us to have a relationship with the reality of the project. We have to keep going even when the novelty has worn off, or accept that the final product may not be exactly how we pictured it in our heads. Sometimes, we have to confront the fact that we're no longer interested in the thing we once thought we wanted. But this is also where things get interesting. Sometimes, the reason we don't accomplish something has very little to do with our ability to do it and more to do with the comfort of keeping things unfinished. We get stuck in a moment where there is still space for potential, and we can continue to imagine what it might be like to finish that painting or learn that language. But eventually, that possibility can start to feel like a burden rather than an opportunity.
I think this is why the idea of becoming "addicted to finishing things" is so interesting to me, as someone who is also working through her own perfectionist tendencies and helping her clients with theirs. It's not about being obsessed with productivity, but about recognizing that there is something very satisfying about seeing something through to the end. We get to experience the accomplishment of having done what we set out to do, finally close that mental tab, and create a little more room for what comes next. We can move on to the next book we want to read without feeling haunted by a shelf of half-read books (that last part is more personal).
There is also something meaningful about the way finishing can change our relationship with ourselves. We tend to think of self-trust as something that develops through significant life events rather than ordinary experiences. When we follow through on something we said we would do, we give ourselves evidence that we can trust and rely on ourselves. We learn that we can keep our word and accomplish something we've been wanting to do, even when it means pushing through the boredom or discomfort of something new.
Of course, not everything we start is meant to be finished. Sometimes, we outgrow a goal or realize that we were pursuing something because we thought we should, rather than because we actively wanted it. But there is a difference between consciously deciding to let something go and leaving it unfinished because we keep avoiding the discomfort of completing it.
Maybe what we can do this week is choose something incomplete and work toward finishing it. Pay attention to how it feels to bring something to a close, and notice the mental space it opens up afterward. Honestly, sometimes the most meaningful progress we make is not in how much we take on, but in how much we allow ourselves to bring to an end. Perhaps the next chapter of our lives is not necessarily about starting fresh with a new idea, but finally finishing the last one.
