021 why do we resist change?
It’s been a little while since I’ve written here, but today I felt drawn to talk about something that often comes up in my work: resistance to change. Change is an inevitable part of life, yet so many of us resist it—sometimes without even realizing why. In the therapeutic space, I frequently meet clients who struggle deeply with the concept of change. For some, it’s hard to imagine what life could look like after making a change. For others, change feels inauthentic, as though it clashes with their identity. And for many, there’s simply a strong desire to hold onto familiar behaviors or circumstances, even when those no longer serve them.
Curious to understand this resistance better, I decided to take a deeper dive and I’d love to share what I’ve discovered. I think many of us can relate. Personally, I know I’m not immune to resisting change, so normalizing this experience feels important. By unpacking it, we can begin to understand why it happens and how to approach it with greater compassion. While this post explores a few reasons we resist change, there’s so much more to unpack—something I’d love to dive into in a future post.
Change is one of the few constants in life, yet it’s something many of us find hard to embrace. Whether it’s moving to a new city, ending a relationship, or starting a new job, the resistance we feel often goes far deeper than just hesitation. From a mental health perspective, resistance to change is often rooted in powerful emotions, unresolved past experiences, or ingrained cognitive patterns.
Fear of the Unknown
One common reason people resist change is the fear of the unknown. As humans, we’re hardwired to seek safety and predictability, so stepping into unfamiliar territory can feel overwhelming. When we don’t know what lies on the other side of change, our brains often interpret uncertainty as a potential threat, triggering fear and anxiety. These emotional reactions can make change feel even more intimidating, as it may carry risks, challenges, or the possibility of failure—things we instinctively try to avoid. We often find comfort in the familiar, even when it no longer serves us. Staying in a predictable but unsatisfying job or relationship can feel safer than leaping to try something new. This psychological comfort zone can be incredibly hard to leave, even when change holds the promise of growth or improvement.
Fear of Failure
Another significant factor is the fear of failure or rejection. Change often involves taking risks, and the idea of not succeeding—or being judged for trying—can feel paralyzing, leaving us stuck. This fear is closely tied to our self-worth; when we doubt our ability to adapt or thrive, it can feel easier to avoid change altogether than to risk falling short. For many people, this fear is reinforced by societal pressure to always get it right or appear competent, which makes the stakes of failure feel even higher. Over time, these internalized expectations can lead to perfectionism or avoidance, creating a significant block to embracing change.
Past Trauma
Trauma also plays a powerful role in shaping our resistance to change. Negative past experiences, particularly those involving significant transitions, can alter our brain chemistry and create a strong aversion to future change. When our relationship with change has been shaped by pain or instability, the very idea of change can feel threatening. Our brains naturally try to protect us from harm, so self-preservation often kicks in. As a result, even contemplating change can feel like reopening old wounds, leaving us hesitant to take the next step.
Expectations
As a multicultural counselor, I often see how cultural and societal expectations influence resistance to change. When change conflicts with societal or cultural norms, it can feel like a betrayal of one’s identity or community. The resistance in these cases often goes far deeper than the individual. For those navigating multiple cultural expectations—such as balancing Eastern and Western values—embracing change can become even more complex, particularly for those with intersectional identities. Someone might feel torn between pursuing personal desires and honoring familial or community obligations, leaving them caught in a web of conflicting loyalties. This tension can amplify feelings of guilt, fear, or alienation, making the prospect of change emotionally exhausting. Recognizing these cultural dynamics is key to understanding the unique ways individuals experience and resist change.
Ultimately, resistance to change is about self-protection. Whether it stems from the need for familiarity, the influence of past trauma, social acceptance, or fear of failure, the hesitation we feel is rooted in a desire for safety and security. By understanding these underlying factors, we can approach change—and ourselves—with greater compassion. While embracing change is rarely easy, it’s an essential part of growth. By leaning into discomfort, seeking support, and reframing uncertainty as an opportunity for something new, we can begin to move through resistance and step into a life that reflects our most authentic selves.
