006 what is memetic desire
I’ve known about the concept of memetic desire for a while, but I didn’t realize there was an actual term for it until recently. Funny enough, I came across the term on TikTok, which makes sense—social media is the perfect place for this idea to thrive.
So, what is memetic desire, and how does it show up in our lives? The term was coined by French philosopher René Girard, and it basically refers to how we copy what other people want. It’s a powerful force that shapes what we think we want, influenced by friends, family, celebrities, and influencers etc. Whether it’s the stuff we buy, our career goals, relationships, or even what we think success or happiness looks like, we tend to mimic others without even realizing it.
It starts with noticing what other people seem to want, and over time, we begin wanting the same things, often unconsciously. The tricky part is that it can mess with our sense of what we authentically want versus what we’ve adopted from external influences. This can create a disconnect between our authentic selves and the goals we chase. From a therapeutic perspective, it’s worth exploring how these external desires might clash with our true desires, causing internal conflict or confusion.
Have you ever stopped to think if the things you want—whether it’s a new product, a certain job, or even your idea of happiness—are really your desires, or just ones you’ve absorbed from others? Asking yourself this can help you get a clearer sense of what’s genuinely important to you!
This concept explains how trends, social behaviors, and cultural standards spread throughout society, shaping the desires of both groups and individuals. Fashion is a great example of this, with plenty of moments where memetic desire is at play:
Everyone wanted a job at a fashion magazine in the early 2000s after The Devil Wears Prada
Each few months, there’s always an "it-bag" that suddenly everyone needs
Fashion forecasters predict what will be in style next season, and everyone scrambles to buy those items
Memetic desire can often pull us away from our authentic selves, leading to dissatisfaction, anxiety, or even feelings of inadequacy when we chase things that don’t truly resonate with us. Social norms, media, and advertising constantly push certain ideals that we’re encouraged to want. Public figures, in particular, become models of desire—because they’re famous or successful, we start to believe that what they want must be valuable for us too!
Becoming more aware of how memetic desire influences you can help you make more intentional, authentic choices. The process involves figuring out which desires are truly yours and which ones you’ve picked up from others. This kind of self-awareness can reduce anxiety, foster self-acceptance, and improve your overall mental well-being. By working to let go of expectations and desires that aren’t really yours, you can move toward a more fulfilling and authentic life. Self-awareness and critical thinking are key to navigating these influences and staying true to yourself!
Therapy can be a powerful tool for identifying where memetic desire might be at play in your life. Some questions you can ask yourself:
Are your goals really what you want, or are they shaped by what others want?
Do you feel pressured to meet standards set by others, even if they don’t feel true to you?
Is your dissatisfaction coming from your own desires, or from following a path influenced by others?
