033 we can have it all, just not at the same time

From a young age, we’ve been conditioned to believe that if we just work hard enough, we can and should have it all. A fulfilling career, meaningful relationships, financial security, creative passions, physical health. The checklist is long, and the pressure to complete it is constant. But what happens when we realize we can only hold one, maybe none, or a few at a time? What happens when we understand we’re not meant to carry everything all at once?

I wish I remembered the source, but recently, I heard a phrase that reframed this internal struggle for me: “We can have it all, just not at the same time.” It sounds simple, almost too neat. But when I introduced it to clients, the effects were immediate. Breaths deepened, shoulders relaxed, eyebrows unfurled. Something shifted. It gave language to the tension they were carrying. It validated that maybe we’re not meant to have it all together and that we can finally give ourselves permission to exhale. It softened the shame of not measuring up to standards that were never human to begin with.

As a therapist, I’ve seen how deeply this myth runs. It provokes shame, anxiety, and even existential dread. I see it especially in the therapy room where clients feel they must earn a gold star in healing. That they must gain deep insight, recover quickly, form healthy relationships, and achieve perfect work-life balance, all at once. This mindset creates a constant sense of failure. But when we accept that life unfolds in chapters, we can begin to make space for slowness, presence, and prioritization without guilt.

“We can have it all, just not at the same time” does not mean we give up on our dreams. It means we recognize that everything moves in its own time. Our bandwidth as humans is not limitless. Some flowers bloom in certain seasons while others remain dormant. And that, too, is part of the design.

Letting go of “having it all” as a benchmark invites something much gentler: self-trust. When we stop measuring our worth against impossible timelines, we return to the present. We ask ourselves, What in my life needs my attention right now? And we let the rest wait without judgment.

Maybe “having it all” was never the point.

Maybe the real work is learning to live fully in the season we’re in, trusting that what we nurture now will make space for what comes next.